Ridiculetter (n) : re-DICK-yu-ledder - An item of correspondence sent by a bored and raving lunatic to a company, person, or entity with the express intent of eliciting a chortle-inducing reply, often accompanied by shameless solicitation for material gain.
For more information, see Beginnings.
*Not really. This website has received a total of 42 hits. 39 of them are from my own IP address. The other 3 are from China. Ni hao!
Q: Why the fake name bro?
A: Despite my grander wishes, frivolous letter-writing is not my full time job. My for realsies occupation involves impregnating children with wisdom, and it’s poor choices of words like that which motivate my desire to remain digitally anonymous.
On the flipside, I write letters using my real name because I’m afraid that the postman will say “There’s no Jaybraham P. Foggleswash at this address” and fail to deliver the reply that I/Jaybraham have been so eagerly awaiting.
Q: Do you need attention? Is that why you write letters, because you need attention?
Q: You’re like, so 20th century. Why letters, and not email/text/WhatsApp/WhatsWhatsApp?
A: There’s a certain gravitas the old-fashioned letter possesses that no email could ever hope to achieve. Letters take time. They take effort. I have to carefully format and construct my piece, then print the paper, then fold it into ever-so-imperfect thirds, then delicately slide it in the envelope, then painstakingly handwrite the addresses, then meticulously apply the stamp, then salaciously lick the envelope, then seal it shut, then do all of that over again because the front of the envelope was upside down, then sally to my mail slot and drop my precious baby in the hole.
When companies receive said baby, they can’t help but note the tender and mildly sexual care with which it was created. It stands a much greater chance of receiving a non-scripted reply than, say, an email hastily tossed through the intertubes. Letters are also much more exciting to receive. A missive in the mailbox is infinitely more enjoyable than an email in the inbox.
Seriously, what the hell is WhatsApp?